This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
