also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
