Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
