girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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