yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
