i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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