Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
