I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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