If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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