I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
