I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
