when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
