Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
