it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
