There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
