this just has baby written all over it
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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