3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He kissed a someone with a penis
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
where are my pants?
in the oven.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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