Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
