Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
