I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
