We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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