i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
This is my gift to your gina
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
