the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
