I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
3pm strippers are depressing
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
