I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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