nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
