The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
