So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
