Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
