She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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