the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
