well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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