i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
