my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
