She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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