Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
