mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I party with great urgency now.
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