i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
