don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
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