on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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