It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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