Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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