We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's blow job season.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
