Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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