as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Sorry my hands just texted you
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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