He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
