I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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