Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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