At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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