i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
