please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We had sex on a dog bed..
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
