Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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