I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
