YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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