found the other keg... it's in the tree
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
