I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
It was confusing and full of hummus
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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