I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
