My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We are two peas in an std pod
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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