A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
